"What to do if someone is hurt because they weren't 'picked' for your huddle?"
http://weare3dm.com/mikebreen/we-are-3dm/what-do-you-do-if-someone-is-hurt-because-they-werent-picked-for-your-huddle/
I have just been sent this disgusting video by a friend of mine. I found it so astonishing that I had to publish it. By the way, according to 3DM, not every Christian is worthy to be discipled, only the"person of peace" specially chosen by the leader under the so called inspiration of "God" (at least their god)! Sickening really.
Count yourself greatly blessed if you have NOT been "picked" to join a 3DM Huddle. The Lord is very likely protecting you.
Because of privacy settings, this short video cannot be played on Blogger.
http://vimeo.com/40193586
Mike Villar has written an excellent analysis below:
3dm Director of Coaching Admits to Causing Division – Part 1
The following is a link that shows Eric Pfeiffer, the Director of Coaching from 3dm, explain how to handle the hurt feelings that are a common occurrence when people aren't chosen for a Huddle in 3dm churches.
http://weare3dm.com/mikebreen/we-are-3dm/what-do-you-do-if-someone-is-hurt-because-they-werent-picked-for-your-huddle/
If you closely listen to the video, you will begin to understand why 3dm is careening down the path of the Shepherdship Movement of the 1980s, if it isn't already there.
First, Mr. Pfeiffer admits that lots of people have their feelings hurt or get “disgruntled” by not being chosen for a Huddle because, according to him, it is a “common occurrence.” He admits that no one likes to be left out. Thus, it is an open acknowledgment that the methodology of 3dm causes division within the body.
Mr. Pfeiffer says first to let the person know that the decision isn't personal and to let them know the process you went through as a “leader.” Tell them that you went to the Lord and spent a good amount of time with Him discovering who He wants to be in your Huddle and not who you wanted. Another way of saying this is that God didn't choose you, so blame Him.
Then Mr. Pfeiffer goes on to what I think is at the heart of the problem for 3dm. He suggests that you might let the hurt or disgruntled person in on the “Person of Peace lens” that you use to pick a Huddle. He starts by saying that this requires “some measure of discretion.” He doesn't say why it requires discretion, but I understand it to mean that he is letting a non-initiated person in on some of the 3dm language, concepts, and methods.
Here's the most unbelievable thing that is said by Mr. Pfeiffer: He says to tell the hurt or disgruntled person what it is that he is looking for in people to choose for a Huddle. What is that you might ask?
Well, Mr. Pfeiffer says that he's looking for people who have three traits:
They like me
They welcome me, and
They serve me.
He suggests that telling the hurt person might actually solicit a Kairos moment in which they discover that they have NOT been a person of peace to him (the leader). Of course, this analysis flies in the face of his prior statement that he spent time with the Lord to determine who to invite. Instead, he looks at people to see how they treat him as a leader, and those that serve him rise to the top of the Huddle list! Then he will place them in a Huddle and make them accountable to himself!
3dm Director of Coaching Admits to Causing Division – Part 2
He goes on to suggest to the hurt that they will be successful, but need to understand it isn't personal and not everyone can be discipled. He suggest that they get some books to read and take the time to demonstrate their openness and willingness to “engage in the process” and to observe their “willingness to trust the Leadership.” Ironically, what he says “isn't personal” is in fact the most personal of decisions. It's based on whether he thinks the hurt person likes him, welcomes him and serves him as a leader! How much more personal can the decision get?
It should be self-evident that a system where the Leaders choose their “disciples” based on whether the potential disciples like the leader, welcome the leader and serve the leader is a recipe for disaster. It would seem to me that the Leader should be the one who is serving, not the other way around.
The result of the selection method is that the Leaders are only choosing those people who are already inclined to accept without question the methodology used by 3dm. In short, they are culling from the congregation those people who they feel they can easily “lead” or “manipulate” as the case may be. The person who has hard questions for them or who does not automatically accept what is going on is labeled as a Non-Person of Peace and is left to hopefully experience a Kairos Moment in which he or she realizes that he or she has not been a Person of Peace to the Leader! A “non-selected” person who won't “engage in the process” and who doesn't demonstrate a “willingness to trust the Leadership” is simply relegated to outsider status and will never be selected to become initiated into the language and culture of 3dm and who will never occupy any position of importance in the church.
The system is designed for the leaders and to serve the leaders. It uses terminology that allows a leader to justify decisions by simply saying a person isn't a person of peace, when it really means that a person isn't willing to swallow the 3dm teachings without question. The system focuses on those who are already inclined to accept anything from the leadership. Those who fall in line in the Huddles as Persons of Peace, are promoted within the church. Non-Persons of Peace are simply left behind, while the Persons of Peace can be and are expected to fall in line behind whatever their Leaders tell them is God's will.
Because of privacy settings, this short video cannot be played on Blogger.
http://vimeo.com/40193586
Mike Villar has written an excellent analysis below:
3dm Director of Coaching Admits to Causing Division – Part 1
The following is a link that shows Eric Pfeiffer, the Director of Coaching from 3dm, explain how to handle the hurt feelings that are a common occurrence when people aren't chosen for a Huddle in 3dm churches.
http://weare3dm.com/mikebreen/we-are-3dm/what-do-you-do-if-someone-is-hurt-because-they-werent-picked-for-your-huddle/
If you closely listen to the video, you will begin to understand why 3dm is careening down the path of the Shepherdship Movement of the 1980s, if it isn't already there.
First, Mr. Pfeiffer admits that lots of people have their feelings hurt or get “disgruntled” by not being chosen for a Huddle because, according to him, it is a “common occurrence.” He admits that no one likes to be left out. Thus, it is an open acknowledgment that the methodology of 3dm causes division within the body.
Mr. Pfeiffer says first to let the person know that the decision isn't personal and to let them know the process you went through as a “leader.” Tell them that you went to the Lord and spent a good amount of time with Him discovering who He wants to be in your Huddle and not who you wanted. Another way of saying this is that God didn't choose you, so blame Him.
Then Mr. Pfeiffer goes on to what I think is at the heart of the problem for 3dm. He suggests that you might let the hurt or disgruntled person in on the “Person of Peace lens” that you use to pick a Huddle. He starts by saying that this requires “some measure of discretion.” He doesn't say why it requires discretion, but I understand it to mean that he is letting a non-initiated person in on some of the 3dm language, concepts, and methods.
Here's the most unbelievable thing that is said by Mr. Pfeiffer: He says to tell the hurt or disgruntled person what it is that he is looking for in people to choose for a Huddle. What is that you might ask?
Well, Mr. Pfeiffer says that he's looking for people who have three traits:
They like me
They welcome me, and
They serve me.
He suggests that telling the hurt person might actually solicit a Kairos moment in which they discover that they have NOT been a person of peace to him (the leader). Of course, this analysis flies in the face of his prior statement that he spent time with the Lord to determine who to invite. Instead, he looks at people to see how they treat him as a leader, and those that serve him rise to the top of the Huddle list! Then he will place them in a Huddle and make them accountable to himself!
He goes on to suggest to the hurt that they will be successful, but need to understand it isn't personal and not everyone can be discipled. He suggest that they get some books to read and take the time to demonstrate their openness and willingness to “engage in the process” and to observe their “willingness to trust the Leadership.” Ironically, what he says “isn't personal” is in fact the most personal of decisions. It's based on whether he thinks the hurt person likes him, welcomes him and serves him as a leader! How much more personal can the decision get?
It should be self-evident that a system where the Leaders choose their “disciples” based on whether the potential disciples like the leader, welcome the leader and serve the leader is a recipe for disaster. It would seem to me that the Leader should be the one who is serving, not the other way around.
The result of the selection method is that the Leaders are only choosing those people who are already inclined to accept without question the methodology used by 3dm. In short, they are culling from the congregation those people who they feel they can easily “lead” or “manipulate” as the case may be. The person who has hard questions for them or who does not automatically accept what is going on is labeled as a Non-Person of Peace and is left to hopefully experience a Kairos Moment in which he or she realizes that he or she has not been a Person of Peace to the Leader! A “non-selected” person who won't “engage in the process” and who doesn't demonstrate a “willingness to trust the Leadership” is simply relegated to outsider status and will never be selected to become initiated into the language and culture of 3dm and who will never occupy any position of importance in the church.
The system is designed for the leaders and to serve the leaders. It uses terminology that allows a leader to justify decisions by simply saying a person isn't a person of peace, when it really means that a person isn't willing to swallow the 3dm teachings without question. The system focuses on those who are already inclined to accept anything from the leadership. Those who fall in line in the Huddles as Persons of Peace, are promoted within the church. Non-Persons of Peace are simply left behind, while the Persons of Peace can be and are expected to fall in line behind whatever their Leaders tell them is God's will.
Mike Villar
UPDATE: 3DM is now known as 5Q with Alan Hirsch, Cairn Network. Kairos network.